(((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))

Ahhhh! There's nothing better than a hug. Truly. Hugs are a physical expression of the giving and receiving of love. Of peace. Of happiness. A hug is a moment of soul to soul connection. There is something so sweet and comforting in a hug. This activity should be a mandatory part of everyone's day.

Paleo, Gluten & Dairy Free Banana & Coconut Wafers (and sesame seedsand cocoa)

Finally and Hooray! I nailed the recipe! I don't know if these should be called wafers, crackers, crisps, biscuits. I'm at a loss. 

This recipe is sooooooooooo easy. Serious! 

Preheat oven at 350 F

Gather up:

Medium sized mixing bowl

Largish baking sheet

2 sheets parchment paper 12in x 15in or 38.1cm x 30.4cm

An instrument to mix it all together. No! Not a wand! A fork or even a spatula 

A pizza cutter or some other sharp object

Bone Broth - Heal Your Leaky Gut

Bone broth is EASY to make. It takes little effort. Bone broth – or stock – is made by simmering the bones (usually beef or chicken) for a long period to extract minerals into a consumable broth. But it can also be made from the bones of bison, lamb, any poultry, or fish. I've even mixed lamb and beef or beef and chicken. I am brave! It is a powerhouse when it comes to nutrients. You can use bones that were cooked or use raw bones. I've used both but tend to use raw most often.

The glycine in bone broth helps the body to balance the amino acid methionine in muscle meat, the collagen helps to build and repair your osteo-skeletal system (not to mention being wonderful for retaining youthful looking skin and hair), and the gelatin helps to heal and seal the gut. That's what we want. Right?

You can simmer it on the stove for 6 - 24 hours (longer if you like) or use a pressure cooker. I use the latter for 90 minutes. I make approximately 2 litres (2 quarts) at a time. Ok if you are talking strict conversion 4.226 cups = 1 litre. Ok. Now to the recipe.

• 2 pounds (or more) of bones from a healthy source
• 1 onion - quartered
• 2 carrots - roughly chopped
• 2 stalks of celery - roughly chopped
• 2 tablespoons Apple Cider Vinegar or juice of half a lemon (or both)
• 1-2 bay leaves
• 1 tsp peppercorns
• 2 litres (more or less) water 

Optional ingredients:

• 1 inch piece of ginger (peeled)
• 2 tsp turmeric ( it's an awesome anti inflammatory)
• Chicken feet (1 or 2)
• Pinch sea salt
• Parsley
• Any spice that catches your fancy

Bone broth, or stock, is an extremely good source of minerals and is known to boost the immune system and improve digestion. Its high calcium, magnesium, and phosphorus content make it great for bone and tooth health. Bone broth also supports joints, hair, skin, and nails due to its high collagen content. 

Place the bones in your pot or pressure cooker and cover with water and add the vinegar. Let it sit a bit. 10 or 15 minutes. The acid in the vinegar helps with the extraction on minerals from the bones. Chop up the veg and add to the pot along with all the other ingredients. You are all ready to start cooking with whichever method you've chosen.

When the broth is done, strain and refrigerate the batch or freeze some in smaller portions. Once cold you will be able to remove/discard the fat from the top of the broth. I keep my broth in the refrigerator for daily use. Every 3 or 4 days I take the entire batch and heat it in a pot over medium high heat and bring to a boil. I then refrigerate it again.  

Heat up a mug of broth! Sit back. Relax and enjoy!

Note: expect your broth to be quite gelatinous when it cools. But don't get upset if it's not.

Chorizo Sausage & Egg Frittata

Ready to devour !!

This is a hearty breakfast that you can make all your own by adding whatever veggie or spice you want. I'm sharing how I make this to suit my taste. I love hot,  spicy food so I make mine with a little heat. Alternatively you could use regular breakfast sausage if you aren't a spice/heat lover. This should feed 6 to 8.

Ingredients:

4 Chorizo sausages, casings removed

1 small sweet potato or yam, shredded

1/2 cup small broccoli florets 

Half package sliced mushrooms 

10 eggs, well whisked

Splash coconut milk

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

1/2 tsp turmeric

1/2 tsp ancho chili  pepper

Method:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees 

• Cook sausage meat in skillet. While its cooking get your veggies ready. To shred the sweet potato I used the World Cuisine Tri-Blade Plastic Spiral Veggie Cutter which is a must have in a Paleo or grain and gluten free kitchen.
• When the sausage is almost cooked, add the veggies and the spices to the skillet and cook for approximately 3 - 5 minutes. Stir frequently. 
• Remove the pan from the heat
• Whisk the eggs with a splash of whatever milk you choose. I only use coconut. And then pour the eggs over the sausage mixture
• Place your cast iron skillet into the oven and bake for 30 minutes

Now, if you don't have an oven proof pan, then use a baking dish that will accommodate the mixture. First, grease the dish, then add the meat mixture and then, pour the eggs over and pop it in the oven.

Maple Blueberry Pork Breakfast Sausage

These are a delicious alternative to the usual breakfast of eggs & bacon.

Ingredients:

1 lb ground pork

1 large egg

2 tbsp maple syrup

1 tsp turmeric

1 tsp cayenne or crushed chilli pepper (or less, or more )

1/4 tsp of savoury or sage

1/2 tsp cinnamon 

1/4 tsp Celtic sea salt

1/2 cup frozen blueberries 

Method:

Put all ingredients in a bowl (except blueberries) and get messy. Mix thoroughly. Then add the frozen blueberries. Form into small patties. I usually get 9 to 10. Heat up that cast iron pan, add fat of choice for frying. I use duck fat. Cook through ( approx 4-6 minutes each side). Eat. Enjoy! 

Cheeky Monkey Nail Polish Review

A while ago I entered a contest via Toronto based fashion blogger Dainty Girl to receive a nail polish, colour of my choice, from  Cheeky Monkey Cosmetics. I happened to win that draw and I chose their Raunchy Bitch nail colour.

Cheeky Monkey's nail polishes are formaldehyde free! I love that. I haven't worn nail polish for a few years now due to the formaldehyde factor. My decision to enter the draw was based on the fact that this product didn't contain it.

Cheeky Monkey Cosmetics offers a wide range of colours; all named very daringly.
There is Bite Me, Spank Me and Get Wet to name a few. All fun! The colours are beautiful. Take a look here at their range of nail colours.

The photo below shows me wearing Raunchy Bitch. It has been three days since I applied. No chipping and no dulling. I used a base coat and top coat as well ( also Cheeky Monkey).These products apply smoothly. The colour is so vibrant. I'm sold. I shall be purchasing Blue Room Ball Buster and Lucky you next.

Cheeky Monkey Cosmetics-Raunchy Bitch

Raw Juice Cleanse ~ Thoughts

First and foremost....I would do this again. Second,  I would like to incorporate these juices into my daily diet...say one or two a day. Third, I would do this again at a time of year when the seasons change. I mentioned in another post that I've cleansed before (not juice) many times over the years. I've always, or pretty much always done this during a season change.

I never actually meant the posting of my journey to be a plug for Raw Juice Guru however, I have been blown away by the quality of the juices and the customer service. Eliane and team really care and they know what they are about. You can tell they are dedicated to healing people from within.

My juices were customized to me with the concerns I stated. I'm thrilled at the changes in my skin. I have (mentioned already) a slight rosacea issue and the redness is so minimal now. My skin looks and feels hydrated. Although I have worked with my Naturopath to get hot flashes under control and it's been very successful I still had the odd one at night. By the second night of juice feasting I had none! And I had stopped taking my menopausal supplement during this time. Incredible! My energy levels waxed and waned but now at the conclusion of my three day (plus 2) sojourn I have so much energy. And my mind...wow...clear and quick. It was previously sluggish and foggy (a little)

I won't lie. It's hard not eating solid food and I'm a foodie. A true foodie. I love tastes. Savory, spicy, salty (as in miso soup) and I yearned for lamb vindaloo much of my journey. My foodie mind was in essence torturing me! Damn mind! I'm the person that notices every restaurant when out traveling in the car and I seriously ponder what the food would be like or what delights are on 'their' menu. I'm also discerning. A good foodie almost always is. (that was an ode to my foodiness - such a geek) So, to persevere and stick with the juice was a challenge for me.

When I started this I'd just finished my second bought with the flu. I was still a bit mucousy but nothing serious. On the second day I noticed an increase in the mucous output but by the third this diminished.

Finally, I first heard about Raw Juice Guru from exercise guru extraordinaire Lisa Marie of The Daily HIIT and then read that great review on one of my fav sites Dainty Girl . Her post on her experience made up my mind to go for it.

Day 4 & 5 - Raw Juice Cleanse

Day 4 was like this:
Juice 1
Romaine, celery, cucumber, apple, kale, parsley, lemon

Juice 2
Watermelon, lemon

Juice 3
Aloe vera

Juice 4
Celery, apple, parsley, kale, dandelion, beet, lemon

Juice 5
Coconutwater, apple, lemon

Juice 6
Aloe vera

Juice 7
Celery, apple, parsley, kale, dandelion, beet, lemon

Juice 8
Romaine, celery, cucumber, apple, kale, parsley, lemon

And day 5 is this:
Juice 1
Cucumber, carrots, celery, parsley, cilantro, lemon, ginger

Juice 2
cantaloupe, honeydew

Juice 3
Milk thistle, cantaloupe

Juice 4
Kale, celery, cucumber, spinach, pear, lemon

Juice 5
Coconut water, mango

Juice 6
Chlorophyll

Juice 7
Cucumber, carrots, celery, parsley, cilantro, lemon, ginger

Juice 8
Kale, celery, cucumber, spinach, pear, lemon

Ok! I had Pho at lunch yesterday! I needed something warm. I had a sore throat. Am I sounding whiny? So what! Ha ha! I just needed it.

Day 5 was completely unexpected! Thank you Eliane @ Raw Juice Guru for this lovely surprise! Eliane risked life and limb getting this to me in the dark cold hours of this winter morning! We had ice form on the front steps overnight as a result of dripping water from the awning! Poor woman! She slipped and fell! I didn't get to try the milk thistle and cantaloupe (such a funny word) as that bottle smashed. I am just thankful Eliane is ok.
I felt terrible! Bastard awning!

Coconut water and mango = perfection!

Raw Juice Cleanse - Day 3

I woke this morning after almost 7 hours of sleep feeling refreshed. 7 hours of sleep is unheard of in my world. I am happy if i get four on a good night. There was a momentary grogginess but that left me in seconds.

So here it is Day 3 already! Wow! I feel good. Quite good. Last nights temptation was raw pumpkin seeds. They are a daily part of my life. I normally start my day with a smoothie. A year ago my Naturopathic doctor, Crystal Ceh, had me incorporate ground seeds into my diet (flax, pumpkin, sunflower and sesame). They go into my smoothie along with fruit (normally dark berries), water or soy milk and protein powder. Nummy! Anyway, starting my day with a juice is not so different.

Leyla was very curious about today's cooler bag full of juices.



7:00 am Juice 1:
Pineapple, kale, celery, ginger
I can taste every ingredient and its simply delish! Maybe my taste buds have improved? Oh, oh! I just thought of lamb vindaloo! No! Get out of my head! (Sunday dinner)

9:10 am Juice 2:
apple, orange, cucumber Predominant taste is most definitely cucumber. Another good juice. I'm hungry right now. My tummy is having a bit of a growl. Now I'm thinking of Miso soup...and I'm doing some serious salivating.

Observation: the bottles of juice I receive each day are full! I mean to the TOP !


11:15 am Juice 3:
Spirulina, apple
Ok. This one tastes a little like barnyard. I mean this in a good way ( I think). The taste reminded me of:
Fresh
Green
Air
Baa baa with a bit of moo moo thrown in
I like it

No headache at all today so far. Energy level is very good. But I'm still hungryish. I don't have that filmy feeling in my mouth.

12:30 pm Juice 4:
carrots, beets, spinach, lemon, celery
Interesting taste. Can really smell the celery. I'm very hungry now. People all around me are talking about where they are going for lunch. I'm heading out for a non sashimi lunch myself. Just going to enjoy the gossip. There had better be some!


2:15 pm Juice 5:
lemon, filtered water, cayenne pepper, coconut nectar, a bit of turmeric spice
Wow! I wanted vindaloo? This is a spicy juice blend. I like it! I don't know that it would appeal to many though. It's got a great taste. I'm gonna imagine its a spicy ceasar. I still want my vindaloo.

Hunger pangs are gone. No headaches. And I should mention I've had no breakouts on my skin. I'm not prone but worried I'd get a few spots.

3:30 pm Juice 6:
Chlorophyll

5:00 pm Juice 7:
carrots, beets, spinach, lemon, celery
Love this. But I'm really hungry. Still I feel great other than that. Oh! The hunger is subsiding. Good.

6:40 pm Juice 8
Pineapple, kale, celery, ginger
This is so delicious!

Well, 3 days done. I feel pleased with myself for having persevered. It's hard not to be tempted to eat solid food. But remembering the reasons why I'm doing this helps to ignore those temptations.

I can tell I've lost some weight. How could I not. That was not a goal but I knew that it would be a very probable outcome. I'm probable a size 00 as I type this (depending upon the clothing manufacturer of course).

My skin looks great. Radiant actually. I've been colder than usual. I suppose that is to be expected. My hair looks very good as well. My nails have taken a beating this winter. I've never experienced them being so brittle before, however, they seem to be doing better in just a few days. This is very good since I happened to win a nail polish today. I will blog about this separately once it get the product.

Raw Juice Cleanse - Day 2

The hardest thing I had to deal with yesterday was the smell of my darling cooking himself dinner; chicken fajitas. What a challenge!

I slept fairly well last night. Amazing since one of the possible side effects is difficulty in sleeping. This was a pleasant surprise. I'm a bit of a chronic insomniac.

My juices, which by the way are in 500ml bottles except for the two 'elixirs' taken as serving 3 and 6, are as follows:

Juice 1 - 7:00 am
Cucumber, parsley, kale, cilantro, lemon, apple
Strong cucumber and lemon taste with a hint of cilantro. Very nice.

Juice 2 - 9:00 am
Cantaloupe, honeydew
Although that's what it's suppose to be its not. I think my bottles are mislabeled and the one that says 2 is really 4. So I'm drinking it anyway. It was too late to drink the right one as I'd already opened it and consumed more than half. I can see now that the cantaloupe and honeydew are in the bottle labeled 5 but there are two bottles labelled 5. No 4's in the mix. No worries. I've got it figured out now. So juice 4 is quite good. A mild pleasant taste. I can definitely detect the carrot and cucumber followed by wheatgrass. I feel great! Not as hyper as yesterday. So far.

Juice 3 - 11:00 am
spirulina, pear
Oh! This tasted delish! Yum! Feeling hunger pangs now but that is all. I was at the dentist this morning. Of course have way through getting a filling I had to pee! Thankfully I was able to wait until the dentist was finished.

Now drinking my detox tea.

Juice 4 - 12:00 pm
Carrot, cucumber, beet, celery, wheatgrass, lemon, ginger
This was actually the cantaloupe and honeydew. Very good. I enjoyed it with co-workers in our company cafeteria. The food in our cafe is not often appealing and I wasn't longing for any. I attribute that to being sane and a true, discerning foodie. I will admit I have tortured myself with that food. It's almost always regrettable.

It's 1:08 pm and I have a mild headache and am feeling tired. I'm also noticing a film in my mouth.

Juice 5 - 2:00 pm
Coconut water, celery, cucumber, lemon
Oh! This one is lovely and refreshing. Very nice. I can taste the entire content spectrum.

Juice 6 - 3:00 pm
Chlorophyll
What can I say...it tastes green and good.

Juice 7 - 4:30 pm
Carrot, cucumber, beet, celery, wheatgrass, lemon, ginger
I'm at home. A bit late in drinking this one as I got stuck in traffic on the way home from the office. I like this juice blend. It's the same as the one I drank as my number 2 bottle of juice that was really meant to be my number 4. I'm definitely tired. I was definitely hungry but as soon as I started to drink the hunger pangs subsided.

Juice 8 - 6:00 pm
Cucumber, parsley. Kale, cilantro, lemon, apple
This is the same ad my first juice of the day. I love it.

So I'm noticing the folks at Raw Juice Guru use a lot of cucumber in my blends. I'm wondering is this because its a cooling herb and possibly good for hot flashes?

It is 7:00 pm and I'm feeling really great. I mean really! Can't wait for tomorrow! Even though this was to be a 3 day cleanse when I placed my 'order' I was told there is a special on and I get the 4th day free. I think this is great today. I will be honest and tell you that yesterday I didn't feel that way. I was unsure if I could stand a 4th day. I know now that I can.

I didn't go into this blindly. I read a lot on it, juice fasting. I've done cleanses before just not the juice sort. One blog that had me convinced I wanted to do it was Dainty Girl
She and her husband both completed a Raw Juice Feast in January. I read other blogs of people juicing the produce themselves to do the same but was a little intrepid when I read there was so much vomiting. I gather they weren't washing the veg and fruit properly. As a matter of fact I am 99.9% sure that was the case.

Raw Juice Cleanse - Day 1

Overview
I am embarking on a 3 day raw juice cleanse or as the people at Raw Juice Guru put its - raw juice FEASTING. The juices are provided by Raw Juice Guru in Toronto. My day's supply is delivered each morning, very early, to my door. Very convenient. However, they cut the delivery close...I was leaving for the office when they arrived at my home.

The protocol is to drink a bottle every 90 minutes to 2 hours. I've also been provided with a tea bag to use and reuse throughout the day. At the moment of posting this I'm not remembering why. I hope this cleanse helps my apparent memory lapses. 😏


DAY ONE

7:42 am Juice 1 has:
Cucumber, spinach, parsley, apple, lemon, ginger

The predominant taste is cucumber and then lemon the other flavours blend behind these two. Not a bad taste at all.

9:34 am Juice 2 has:
Grapefruit and ginger

The juice is a perfect blend of grapefruit and ginger. I love ginger.

Leading up to this instalment of juice my digestive system started letting me know it wanted nourishment and soon. The juice immediately abated and soothed my demanding insides. I am very glad of that.

So far, the only thing I have noticed is that I need to pee more frequently.

11:25 am Juice 3 has:
Aloe Vera
I'm really hungry now and its aloe vera time. It comes in a wee bottle.

So I'm hungry and hyper. I'm mostly always hyper anyway so it's not a surprise. I believe I'm very excited about this journey and perhaps a little apprehensive as well.

I'm drinking the roobois tea and glasses of water in between the juice.

12:15pm Juice 4 has:
Fennel, carrot, celery, apple, ginger
I couldn't wait! I'm so hungry! Predominant taste is carrot followed by fennel and then celery. Apple follows closely but ginger isn't apparent.
I should mention my juices are custom to me. I emailed the GURU my specific concerns and they have tailored the juices to those.

2:07pm Juice 5 has:
Watermelon and lemon
I wasn't sure if I'd like this as I'm just not a watermelon fan. However it's tasting ok. I don't have hunger pangs at the moment but do have a slight headache. I'm also a little tired.

It's 2:54 pm and I feel no hunger but a slight lightheaded feeling is apparent.

3:30 pm Juice 6 has:
Chlorophyll
Not much to report. It tasted as I expected having taken liquid chlorophyll before as a supplement. It's an another wee bottle.

One thing that surprised me today was the number of people who asked if this cleanse caused diarrhea. Ermmmmm, like why do people want to know that? Of all things!!! I suppose I understand. Maybe. Those that have asked seem content when I tell them I will let them know if this happens. They can't comprehend that it's highly likely that my BMs will be of the usual sort. And I can say now...they are. But my workmates will have to wait until tomorrow to found that out. Unless, of course, they read my blog. And I hope they do.

5:00 pm Juice 7 has:
Apple, lemon, celery, beet, kale , ginger
This one is hard to describe. What is odd is that I'm sure I smell cucumber but there is certainly no cucumber taste. Wish there was more ginger taste only because I live it. The lemon is prevalent. The colour is that of the beet. I cannot taste apple.

I'm not feeling hungry and the headache is gone. I spied a lovely avocado in my fridge and looked at it longingly.

I just got and email from Raw Juice Guru updating me on symptoms and another advising me about tongue scraping (I do this anyway) and enema procedures (where to buy and how to do it)

Added note : for some reason I have lost some of what I blogged for day 1. I think it was me that did it accidentally of course. I lost much more but thanks to a dear friend, Charlene, I have some of it back. Turns out she had my blog open on her computer still so she sent me a screen shot! I bloody love her!

Vibram - it only took me 4 years to decide to purchase

Yes! It's true. It took 4 years of deliberation...reading reviews, getting feedback from friends who took the plunge, to finally make my own purchase. Whew! I'm glad I have.

What will they be used for? I'm not a runner. But I am a fitness enthusiast who enjoys weightlifting and HIIT. I love plyometrics. So, although the Vibrams allow for that natural barefoot experience the pair I chose provides some lateral support. From years of training I know how to land softly and minimize impact.

They are a challenge to get on. But you do get the hang of it. However, I did wish that my toes were more intuitive and found their target spot in the 'finger' area a little easier. Best way to put them on is to have the shoes on the floor and then slowly guide your foot in.

I'm completely happy with this purchase. They feel so good on and are a fab addition to my workouts!

Visit the Vibram Five Fingers to see all the styles for women, men and children. The site provides and in depth explanation for style and intended use. i.e hiking, running, water sports, etc.

A Beautiful Day

I have a touch of the flu. However, it hasn't stopped me from enjoying this beautiful day and this beautiful weather. Bill and I took a walk along the lake. We have trails just two blocks south of our house that follow along the shores of Lake Ontario for quite a number of miles.

I may do some yoga later on. Probably restorative yoga if I do any at all. Or I may just rest. That walk may have been just enough for me today

Happy New Year!

It's the eve of the new year. Next year, 2012, is certainly something to wonder about. I'm not thinking too much at the moment. I just woke. I spent most of my night thinking...as I always do. Insomnia has been pretty much my life long companion. Anyway, my point is, I'm all thunked out.

I'm sitting in my living room with my iPad and coffee. I've got my feet up on the ottoman and feel relaxed. Its a dreary day outside. The dusting of snow we had melted yesterday. Bill is lounging on the sofa with his iPad and playing some flying game. It makes my laugh as I watch him tilt it this way and that. Leyla is curled up in the bathroom sink, sleeping. She loves it there. And in the time it took me to type this bloody paragraph I have completely forgotten what I was going to type next. Insomnia? Perhaps. Menopause? Maybe. The fact that I'm 50? No f'n way. (please note I'm not spelling the word out...the one that starts with f. But also please note, if I was speaking with you directly I'd just be saying it.) If someone reads this I'd like their opinion on swearing in a blog please...Ta much!

In a little while I'm going to get onto my yoga mat and enjoy an asana and meditation yoga practice. Then we are off to get seafood for our New Years Eve dinner; sea scallops, prawns and crab legs. We were going to get lobster but we forgot to order them and the only place we know to get them at a good price is way on the other side of Toronto.

This past week, having time off from work has been good. I had many things planned and did none of of them. I wanted to update my resume, invite a co-worker over for a visit, buy a baby gift for friends of mine in Harpenden, UK who just had a wee boy whom they named Robin David. (congrats again to dear Jen, Kev and darling Willow (Robin's sister). I miss you all very much! But I did relax. I had naps sometimes. I read loads. I worked out and did yoga. And I received, in the mail, my passing mark and my diploma for the WSET Fundamentals In Wine course. And this past week I started to blog. Oh! And wonder of wonders, I did the dishes after almost every meal! (new house with no dishwasher...renovating...waiting for renovations to be completed before installing new dishwasher) I despise washing dishes by hand for a few reasons which are a worthy of a blog on their own.

Well, Happy New Year everyone. And please don't make resolutions you won't keep. I never make them. What's the point of starting a new year by putting pressure on yourself and then...disappointing when you don't follow through..."fuck it" I say! Well, there you go...I spelled out the entire word. Good for me. So take each day as it comes and if you are one to set goals for yourself throughout the year, good on you. That is not the same as making a resolution. It really isn't.

Bright Blessings!

First Blog ever...27 December 2011

I've wanted to do this since blogging started but I wondered if I should. I wondered would my blog be read or of interest to any one person on this planet. I wondered would blogging be a cathartic exercise. I wondered and still do, why people feel the need to blog. I mean, we all must have different reasons for doing it. I suppose there would be an element of common ground.... I started, today and wondered what I would say. And I wonder, now, why I have chosen the template I have. I suppose I like the word ethereal. It's a nice word in my opinion. Soft and whimsical. Ha! There should be a Whimsical Template.

Christmas has come and gone. It was lovely but hard to get through. Harder than last year. And this leads me to wonder will next year be worse. Last year, on Thanksgiving eve, my son died from a drug overdose. He was 26. He was alone. He was not found for 3 days. My beautiful, intelligent, witty child was gone forever. Everything changed. He is my only child.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/JeffJamesBerry/


As the holiday season approached I was filled with apprehension and even dread. The love of my life made it a magical time for me. It was our first Christmas together and we spent it in seclusion, just we two. It was good. I was also ill with pneumonia at the time. I wonder, if in some small way, this helped to dull my pain. Regardless, here was me naively believing I was a miracle woman getting through it all so soon after my son's death.

And so the New Year came. Month after month I could feel the increasing sadness in my heart. I was bewildered by this. Isn't it suppose to get easier? Then I recalled a friend of mine, who had lost her daughter a few years before in a car crash, saying, it never gets easier. Oddly, this remembering was of some comfort. Another Facebook friend, who also lost her daughter and was with my son, Jeff, in rehab, confirmed this in a post on his memorial page recently. I have wondered should I get some counseling. I am still wondering that if anyone is wondering.

Certain people have been in my thoughts over this holiday; those people would be the ones I know who have lost a child, a parent, a spouse fairly recently. Shelby lost her father and when that happened I lost my brother. Azmina and Normi lost their daughters.Susan lost her beloved son, her first born. Robin so misses her parents and although this wasn't so recent, the missing of them is still strong. My mom lost her son and the following year lost her grandson. Marilyn lost her daughter. Wendy lost her husband. And I know the pain and the emptiness they feel.

If you are wondering, I want to list them all but I can't. I am thinking of them. They are in my heart and I have tears for them all.


So, it doesn't get easier. It's one less thing to wonder about...